Cast: Millie (Cyber) and Seed (Deme)
TLDR:
Support Points Earned: 2
September 6, 2018
September 7, 2018
“I don’t know how I can forgive myself, even if the rest of the world does.”
TLDR:
Support Points Earned: 2
! A wild cyber appeared!:
Millie combed her her right hand through her hair as she walked back. She was pretty sure she had torn a muscle since every time she moved her left arm it hurt. Realizing that she had wandered to the market Millie decided she could use some food. Picking up a cart at random she points to a juicy looking dragonfruit. The dragon looked Millie up and down before responding with an accent, “50 Leaf.” Millie shook her head. 50 Leafs was too expensive for a couple fruits. The dragon Laguz was probably hiking the price because she was Beorc. “(Don’t waste my time. 20 Leafs.)” The dragon didn’t seem too surprised that Millie could speak Pallo, and continued to haggle like normal. After a few extra minutes of haggling Millie declined and walked off. “Ugh, I think I’m just going to go home and take a nap.”LadyDeme:
Seed was headed out of the market as well, with perhaps a little bit more success; his basket had a few herbs laid out in it, and a quite a number of sheets of clean white paper, loose -- though Seed didn't intend them to stay that way. He also had a new waterskin, on the large side but well-suited for his need. The look on Millie's face was clear from far-off, and the Florkana adjusted his path towards her when he saw it. "Millie. Is something the matter?" He asked, his own expression reflecting some concern.! A wild cyber appeared!:
“Hmm? Oh nothing much, just pondering dinner.” She did her best to smile scratched the back of her head. Although she was tired, she wasn’t really in a bad mood. “Most people here are more use Pallo so it’s pretty good for practice, but the pricing here feels a bit steep, I think they may be gouging them since I’m clearly not from here.” She noticed Seed’s concern and tried to laugh it off. “What did you get today?”LadyDeme:
"I see... I can't say I've noticed such a thing... I was thinking that the shopkeepers here were very nice," which did not, Seed reflected, strictly mean he got a fair deal. Just that whether he had or had not, he didn't notice. He sighed, and shrugged. It would be fine, regardless. And who knew? "Maybe they're more inclined to treat Florkana kindly. It's a rare occasion where I'm not an unusual sight," He added, with a bit of a smile. It was something he still thought of as... Odd, he supposed. He was unused to it for a while after coming to the Arbor, and found it an easy mode of thought to slip back into, once in the world of other species. Seed quietly showed her the content of his basked, silent a moment before explaining. "Some new pages so I can trade a few in and out of my notebook, a few herbs for a mix of medicinal, seasoning, and tea purposes, and I needed a new waterskin. Really, nothing glamorous. I am sorry you missed my chocolate-shopping. Have you had any?"! A wild cyber appeared!:
“Eh? No not really.” Millie hadn’t really thought about chocolate all that much. She supposed she could try it out since it was a regional specialty. “I guess I haven’t really considered it since I can’t really spend as much. I’ve been working on both of my swords and it’s kind of taking the majority of my cash. I also need to get a new notebook since my current one is almost full.” Millie laughed nervously and looked down at her stomach. “Plus... I kinda want to make sure I don’t eat too much unhealthy food.”LadyDeme:
"Ah, I see..." Seed said. He considered that for a moment, staring off into the distance... And something sad and far-away crossed his face. "Actually, I think I may have some extra sipping chocolate, if you'd be interested in sharing some with me after dinner. Since the quantity you drink at once is small, it might fulfill your needs," He nodded at her comment about the new notebook; it was easy for them to fill up, and yet... Perhaps it was because he had carried one book with him for so long that he preferred to re-bind a book, repair a notebook, rather than letting new ones pile up. This is not to say he did not buy notebooks. He bought too many notebooks. "Ah. If you like the binding of the book, or want to keep some pages with the new ones, I could replace a few pages rather than having you buy an entirely new notebook...Even though the markets have some rather charming ones."! A wild cyber appeared!:
“Oh! Uhm-I’d be happy to!” Millie’s eyes lit up as she thought about sipping chocolate. Maybe it’d be like a dessert tea. “As for the notebook I’m not so sure. I think I might just keep it intact since I’m going to keep most of it.” Millie continued to walk wordlessly for a few minuets, occasionally looking toward Seed. She could definitely see that something was troubling him, but he was usually pretty calm about most things. Although Millie felt like she didn’t know the Florkana that well, she decided to take a stab in the dark. “Is everything alright, between you and Nyrandisa?”LadyDeme:
"I keep most of mine -- well, I copy it, actually, but I keep the drafts -- but that seems reasonable as well," he said in agreement. Some things never left the notebook -- things too personal, too close, too beautiful, too incomplete. They lived next to his heart, even if they eventually were spread in hopes of finding another heart. Others were moved out. He still had his meditations as to why he was even here, written out the night before his departure, in that notebook. They walked towards camp in total silence for a while, Seed's basket swinging on his good arm. He was thinking of how to answer it, and his expression, if possible, drew more inward. He tilted his head back, watching the sky about the horizon, its color deepening with the length of afternoon. "...I don't know, honestly. They seemed alright when we were at the hot springs, but such a casual and social setting..." A thought occurred to him, causing him to turn his head to look at her. "Oh, you know about that? Then I should clarify... I think we can be friends, maybe even better friends than before... But I'm not..." He didn't really want to go into all of it, not unprompted. It would give the wrong idea. He tried considering all the other things -- how he wanted to be known by the person who loved him. That he didn't believe such a thing. Seed shook his head, feeling the weight of burgeoning fruit. That it had taken him too long to understand what he wanted and did not want. That none of it was Nyra's fault. His, all his. His heart sank, but he now did his best to continue looking thoughtful, mellow. Luckily, that was where his face went naturally. He eventually found the words to answer so simply that it made his thoughts seem silly. "I can't have that kind of relationship right now. And that was...Hard. And so I don't entirely know when it will be alright again."! A wild cyber appeared!:
“Nyrandisa told me about it. I was...worried. Sorry if I’m being nosy.” She purposely left out the part where she was the one that encouraged her to tell Seed. But as she continued to watch Seed she could tell it was a hard topic for him. Millie felt guilty for brining up the topic. “Hey, I known it’s a bit out of the blue but... can I ask you for some advice?”LadyDeme:
"Ah, no. It's fine," he assured on that front. It wasn't too nosy to ask about it, and if Nyra trusted her with such confidences, then he saw no reason to withhold them. Rather, he felt a little happy that Nyra had someone else to worry after her. As she asked, he inclined his head slightly, creating as he did a series of branch rustlings and hard berries bumping into leaves. He honestly wasn't sure he'd have good help for her, but perhaps even talking about it would help. Sometimes, you just needed a rubber duck, if nothing else. "Absolutely. What's on your mind?"! A wild cyber appeared!:
“Uhmmm.” Millie hesitated, now unsure if she truly wanted to ask. Up until now the only other person she told was Mars, and the results were not encouraging. But Seed was probably a little more sensitive. “A couple years ago, I... made a mistake, one that cost me nearly everything.” She continued walking, completely calm a out the situation. “And it’s been haunting me ever since. Before I joined the Pack, all I did was run from it. Every time I try to find a way to fix it I fail. Everything just sounds impossible. Her voice began to crack, but she still continued forward. Millie feared if she stopped she’d collapse onto the floor and cry. Looking around she turned to check if anyone else was around, even if it didn’t matter. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t think I can keep running, but I don’t think I can fix it either. Every morning I wake up and I pretend that everything’s ok, but as soon as I look at my sword all the guilt just comes back. I can’t fix it, Kyria won’t let me, and one day...” Millie had stopped walking. Every part of her mind wanted to collapse, degrade into a sobbing mess. “I fear I may make the same mistake again.”LadyDeme:
Seed had kept pace with her as she slowed, like a disused piece of clockwork grinding down, like a watermill whose stream no longer flowed. The basket's swaying, too, came to a gradual halt; they were all still. Her tone said he could not ask her; the implications scattered across her words -- that it was unfixable, that it was her sword, that Kyria would never let her fix it -- told him it was something belonging to a different world. His expression, serious, softened. It would be deluded to pretend it wasn't a world he was much closer to now than he used to be. He hated that. "...In terms of making the same mistake again... I think that means you have to look at what caused it, and do what you can to avoid those causes. If you cannot, then... I think you should rely on someone else. An irreparable mistake can only be fixed by never allowing it to happen at all," he said it coated in honey, to sweeten the advice a little. Not to woo her with it, to convince her to it by its sweetness -- but because he felt there was a blow in it. Especially further. The Florkana weighed for a while the effect of a touch; it could be comforting, or it could be overwhelming. His hands ended up meeting in the middle, wrung over and over again until they were a little bit warmer than normal.LadyDeme:
"I think that... There may be options other than 'fix it,' or 'run away," And he supposed she knew that, or she wouldn't be speaking to him. He shook his head. "I'm sorry, that's not very helpful, is it? What I mean is... That even if something can't be fixed, it can be faced. And while it may never be made up for perfectly, and exactly...And you may never be able to forgive yourself..." He thought about his own...decision, made in that space between the Arbor Aurelius and Rettatti, where he'd weighed his love and some nameless things that weighed in him then. It hammered him like fear, and gnawed him like longing, whatever they were. Duty, maybe, or community, or piety. He didn't know if it was a mistake or not. But it came to mind now because it struck like one, wedged in the turning of his mind. "But you can still try to make things better than you left them, can't you? If not with... That person... Then with yourself, with their loved ones, with Kyria, I suppose, or with the world?"! A wild cyber appeared!:
Millie remained silent as Seed talked. Her head felt like a giant whirlpool of anxiety and fear. She wanted to hear that things could be perfect, like nothing had happened. She wanted to see Caspin alive again. But the more Seed spoke Millie knew that there was no perfect scenario. Caspin was dead. That was irreversible, and that the guilt of it would be with her forever. Deep within, Millie knew Seed was correct, the only thing she could do was to make peace with it. “I guess I should have known that was my only option.” But the louder portion of her mind still wanted to bring Caspin back. She wanted to see him happy, she.... She still loved Caspin right? “I don’t know if I can even do that...” She took a deep breath. If Seed was right then she could make things better. Millie tried to smile, but couldn’t. It just didn’t feel right. Her brain felt like it was in pieces, everything was jumbled and uncertain.“I don’t know how I can forgive myself, even if the rest of the world does.”
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